Ryan from Pacing the Panic Room offered up a link to this story about parents who have made a conscious effort to raise their children genderless. His topic was much less extreme, but highlighted the fact that baby girls are showered in an overdose of pink often from the moment they are born. He wants to mix things up for their new baby Tessa and when she’s old enough let her pick out her own favorite color to add to her wardrobe or bedroom and if that turns out to be pink, then so be it. Until then pink is used as much as any other color is. This is more about letting their child be an individual than removing gender constraints.
Side note: if you love colors, the Web site colourlovers.com is wonderful inspiration for designers. I used it quite a bit while selecting a color palette for the wedding.
So back to the Swedish parents method of genderless child rearing… the first born (second is still in the oven) is now 2 and the only people who know if “Pop” is a boy or girl are those that have changed Pop’s diaper. Words like he and she are not used around Pop, and little Pop is left to pick out its own pretty dress or rugged trousers as well as hair style.
This is all fine and great… but what a traumatic day for genderless Pop to endure on the first day of public school if faced with which bathroom line to get into. Does Pop stand with the boys wearing a frilly dress, or does he enter the girl’s line and be the only one that can pee while standing? When Pop is informed of his or her gender, will she still identify with his or her classmates? Will he still be allowed to wear dresses to school? Will he want to? Will she be allowed to go topless while swimming? Will they not want her to abandon playing with dump drunks for being a girly girl interested in princess fairies?
I’m all for not letting gender restrict one’s interests in life, but keeping gender a secret to accomplish this goal forsakes one of the common ways we relate and bond with our peers. I don’t feel there is a way to get around identifying with your gender and still have the same bond with your fellow human beings.
The article also touches on a set of twin boys born in 1967 where a horrific circumcision left one of the twins without a penis. The stellar doc told the horrified parents it would be better to raise little David as a girl, so they renamed him Brenda and showered him with all things girl. After much internal struggle, the parents revealed to Brenda he was born David and Brenda reclaimed himself as David. Unfortunately his life ended early to suicide, but not before declaring what was done to him a huge failure.
Obviously there are some big differences to these stories. What happened to David was not his choice. What is happening to Pop although initially too young to decide, will be left to Pop when he/she wants to know his/her gender. Hopefully spending one’s early years as an “it”, will not ruin the gender connections that make up a big part of who you are. Now if Pop finds out he’s a boy and never loses his affinity for wearing pretty dresses, well that’s okay, there are plenty of boys raised as boys that like that too.
I will defiantly have to check back on the progress of this story.
