I’ve never really considered happiness a factor when thinking about if I want to be a mom one day. Babies are supposed to be little blessings wrapped in a bundle of joy package, right?
Not so much according to this:
“Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers,” says Florida State University’s Robin Simon, a sociology professor who’s conducted several recent parenting studies, the most thorough of which came out in 2005 and looked at data gathered from 13,000 Americans by the National Survey of Families and Households. “In fact, no group of parents-married, single, step or even empty nest-reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It’s such a counterintuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they’re not.”
Read the full story here.
Obviously a study like this is going to make parents instantly insane over the ludicrousness of calling them unhappy in comparison. But, if you stop and think about it, it totally makes sense that parents are less happy. Pre-children your life revolves around mostly yourself and your interests. Once baby makes its way into the world, a parent’s wants and needs more often than not come second to the child’s.
This isn’t to say that those that choose to have children are on the raw end of the deal. I’ve never heard my friend’s with children utter any regret at becoming a parent. It’s often cited that children offer purpose and meaning to parent’s lives. However, I’ve heard from my parent friends their envy at the amount of freedom and indulgence my life still has.
The Newsweek article also raised another point that I feel may have more to do with our happiness levels then having kids or not. And that’s the work/life balance most of us currently have.
A key study by University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Sara McLanahan and Julia Adams, conducted some 20 years ago, found that parenthood was perceived as significantly more stressful in the 1970s than in the 1950s; the researchers attribute part of that change to major shifts in employment patterns. The majority of American parents now work outside the home, have less support from extended family and face a deteriorating education and health-care system, so raising children has not only become more complicated-it has become more expensive.
As our society shifted from 1 working parent homes, to 2 parent working homes, we lost some freedom, along with what was gained. I’m all for anyone being able to have and do it all, especially if that’s what makes them the happiest. However, due to financial reasons a lot of us don’t have the freedom to choose whether or not both parents should work outside the home. With limited evening hours to jam all of family life in, along with chores and other obligations, any parent can become stretched thin. And maybe that’s what’s taking the happiness out of parent life?
Either way, I think we’ll see a societal shift with time. More stay at home moms and dads, corporate life becoming more family friendly with flex time, telecommuting, and unstructured work weeks that allow employees to schedule their time as work and life permits. Or maybe we’ll see more young couples choosing to opt out of the child rearing phase of life.
As for myself, I think knowing we could be less happy with children won’t be much of a factor in my husband and my decision to start a family, but it defiantly puts a different spin on things.